EMOTIONAL ABUSE CHECKLIST

Does your partner ridicule or insult people like you?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Is your partner jealous of your friends, family, or even pets?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner intercept your mail or telephone calls?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner become angry or upset, dampening your enthusiasm, just before, or during a social event you’ve looked forward to?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Do you discourage people from telephoning you at home because your partner resents sharing your time?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Do you have fewer contacts and activities with friends and family than before you began the relationship?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Do you feel uneasy about being with your partner and your friends at the same time?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Do you feel nervous or frightened of what your partner will say or do if you are even a few minutes late from work, shopping, or visiting others?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Do you feel your clothing, opinions and decisions must have your partner’s approval?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Do you feel overpowered by your partner’s presence whether or not he or she is with you?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Do you speak carefully, or avoid speaking, so you won’t risk upsetting your partner?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Do you time your activities to avoid their being noticed by your partner?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Do you often feel like you are walking on eggshells?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner claim to be exceptionally bright or knowledgeable, or to have extraordinary powers?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner claim to be more aware of the ways of the world than you are?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner claim to have friends and contacts who will report your activities when you are away from home?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner claim to know the right way to do things, and that you don’t know what is right?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner insist that activities take place in precise ways or at precisely designated times?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner interrupt your work or other things that are important to you, to get his or her needs met?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner demand that you wear only approved clothing, jewelry...?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner insist that you perform menial services, or inspect your work and make hyper-critical comments?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner demand detailed reports of your hourly activities?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Do you feel inadequate doing tasks you used to do easily?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Do you suffer from minor or major illnesses?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Do you often have feelings of dread?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Do you feel that you couldn’t manage your life without your  partner?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner force you to do things that are against your religious or moral values?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner ridicule the traits you admire or value in yourself?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner tell you that no one else would want you?  

Often

Sometimes

Never

Has your partner talked you into doing something, and  then made you feel guilty or ashamed of it?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner keep you up late, asking about real or imagined sexual or romantic incidents?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner force you to apologize for things you didn’t do?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner insist that you ask permission to spend money for household or personal items, whether the money is a community fund or your own income?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner call you names with sexual connotations such as slut or whore?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner flaunt relationships or flirt with others while in your presence?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner threaten to make public the things you have said or done in private moments?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner threaten to leave you or divorce you, if and when you have arguments?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner tell you that suicide or mental illness will result if you leave or withdraw your love?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your (recovered) alcoholic partner hint at the possibility of drinking again, unless you do what is required, and are certain not to upset him or her?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner threaten to punish you or teach you a lesson if you misbehave?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner threaten to take your car keys, money, or checkbook, if you don’t comply with his/her demands?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner use body or facial expressions, or noises, to show his/her anger and loss of control, in order to frighten you?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Has being hit or beaten in the past made you afraid it will happen again, if you don’t comply?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner keep guns, knives, or other weapons close at hand?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Just as you are thinking of leaving, or when you have been abused, does your partner pamper you with gifts?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner suddenly do things you have been  requesting for a long time?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner become unexpectedly understanding about things that would ordinarily cause him/her to be angry?

Often

Sometimes

Never

After your partner has put you down, are you then indulged with affection or special care?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner suggest you are stupid or crazy, if you disagree with him/her?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner apologize and say the abuse is a sign of deep love and fear of losing your love?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner insist that the two of you are in a battle against a world full of enemies?

Often

Sometimes

Never

After abusing you, does your partner express so much sorrow, guilt or self-hate, that you become the one who comforts your partner?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Has your partner burdened you with shameful, embarrassing or criminal secrets, which only you know about?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner lie about insignificant things?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner make contradictory demands?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner contradict the positive things others say about you?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner do unrequested favors, then get angry or hurt when you don’t do something in return?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Do you distrust your feelings about yourself, your partner, or others?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Do you feel ashamed of past deeds that you were once proud of?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Are you afraid that no one would like you if they knew the real you?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Do you believe that you are the only one who can save your partner from ruin, depression, alcoholism, insanity or suicide?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does it just happen that when you are preparing for a job interview, or an important event, you become distracted and worried by a crisis in your partner’s life that seems more important?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Does your partner cause you to question your longtime friendships?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Are you confused about what is love and what is hate? Or what is right and what is wrong?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Ignore you or grunt absentmindedly when you begin a conversation?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Groan, complain, or ridicule you, when you cry, worry, or ask for emotional support?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Refuse to confide in you, when he/she is worried, hurt, or scared?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Ignore your wish for sex, or refuse to do what excites or satisfies you?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Make light of your triumphs, discourage your plans, disparage your success?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Refuse to share his/her plans, or dreams for success?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Given up asking your partner for companionship?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Stopped asking for empathy or emotional support?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Given up asking for your partner’s help, when you are sick, or tired?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Stopped asking your partner about his/her plans, worries, or triumphs?

Often

Sometimes

Never

Developed a habit of avoiding sex, whenever possible, but, enduring it as a tolerable routine, when it is unavoidable?

Often

Sometimes

Never